10 Gross Cases Of Serial Pooping
Serial killers may be worse overall, but serial pooping is nothing to sniff at. Actually, on second thought, don’t sniff. Keep your nose closed, for the people on this list are fecal-minded freaks who have befouled their communities by leaving their excrement everywhere. And we do mean everywhere: pools, car hoods, football fields, busy sidewalks, etc.
See Also: Top 10 Places With Surprising Poop Problems
These serial poopers pulled down their trousers and took a literal dump on public decency. Some have been caught and publicly shamed. Others remain smelly and elusive.
Hopefully, this list can shed the light needed to bring the mysterious serial poopers to justice. As a society, we cannot let such a scatological scourge exist—that is, unless we want the poop of strangers invading our own homes!
10 The Pool Pooper Of Michigan
It’s a hot summer day. You have worked hard and long hours so you can enjoy some time at your local pool. It’s Michigan, and such pleasures are few and fleeting. Then, without warning, a nasty brown object comes floating your way. It’s not a Baby Ruth bar.
This nightmare became a reality for the residents of Macomb County, Michigan, in summer 2019. Local news reported that an unknown serial pooper was on the loose, and he preferred to leave his natural evidence behind in a subdivision’s swimming pool.
The story all started when the board president of the Buckingham Recreational Facilities Association wrote a memo decrying the unknown individual pooping in the subdivision’s pool located near 23 Mile Road. The serial pooper’s harmful activities had already caused several pool closures and costly cleanups by the time the memo was circulated.
Fortunately for all lovers of the Buckingham Woods’ community pool, the serial pooper was caught on video defecating. A member of the community was identified and banned from the pool for the rest of the summer. The name of this delinquent has not been released to the public, which could mean that the offender is under 18.
9 Holly Malone, The Serial Pooper Of Simsbury
Holly Malone’s mug shot says it all: I’m a serial pooper, and I’m (kinda) embarrassed about it. Malone should be embarrassed. According to police in Connecticut, Malone, 43, was responsible for a string of dumps in a residential cul-de-sac during the fall and winter of 2017.
On November 7, 2017, the first selectman for the town of East Granby, Connecticut, contacted police to inform them that poop had been discovered in the middle of Kirkstone Drive. The assailant left behind toilet paper at the scene, too. Nine days later, Kirkstone Drive was once again peppered with poo. The final assault took place on December 5, 2017, but this time, security cameras caught the offender’s vehicle.
Malone was arrested in February 2018 as part of a traffic stop that had nothing to do with her bodily waste. When the serial pooper was questioned, she claimed that she kept defiling Kirkstone Road in East Granby because she could not make it home in time to use her own toilet.
Malone was taken into custody and publicly apologized for her “stupidity.” She also mentioned that she was lactose intolerant and that her mass pooping was due to her dairy allergy.
8 The Parking Lot Pooper
Believe it or not, another New England woman tried to pull the “I couldn’t make it home in time” defense to excuse her serial pooping. It did not work this time, either.
In January 2020, 51-year-old Andrea Grocer of Ashland, Massachusetts, was arrested for repeatedly leaving her dookie behind in the parking lot of the Natick Outdoor Store in Natick, Massachusetts. When the news broke, Natick police officers admitted that they had been chasing the “Parking Lot Pooper” for over a month.
At first, employees at the store thought that some animal was using their parking lot as an open-air toilet. That idea went up in stinky smoke when toilet paper was found at the scene as well.
Armed with the knowledge that the pooper was a human, a Natick police officer conducted a stakeout where they saw a 2018 Lincoln MKX SUV pull into the store’s parking lot around 7 AM. When the police officer confronted her, Grocer immediately defended her actions by stating that she suffered from irritable bowel syndrome.
This could be the case, although eyewitnesses later told police that they saw Grocer’s Lincoln SUV waiting around the area for 10 minutes before pulling into the parking lot.
Store manager Henry Kanner could not offer any idea as to why Grocer had targeted his store for her nefarious deeds. Better yet, given that Grocer worked as a live-in nanny just four blocks away from the store and her place of employment contained a fully functioning bathroom, no one is quite sure why Grocer chose to become the Parking Lot Pooper.
7 Brisbane’s Poo Jogger
Lest you think that serial pooping is an exclusively American phenomenon, the city of Brisbane, Australia, experienced a rash of serial pooping in 2018. The pooper, whose nickname in the press was the “Poo Jogger,” was unmasked as 64-year-old Andrew Douglas Macintosh. His identity was revealed thanks to a cutting-edge cyber investigation carried out by everyday Internet users.
In total, Macintosh left behind his poo at least 30 times between 2017 and 2018, and each one of these awful acts occurred in the Brisbane suburb of Greenslopes. Fed up with finding poop on their block nightly, two residents purchased a night-vision camera with motion sensors and put it up near the designating pooping spot.
The video captured several images of the serial pooper. He turned out to be a jogger who followed the same route each time. Finally, the video camera caught the Poo Jogger doing the nasty.
The jogger turned out to be Macintosh, a major executive with the Aveo Group and a member of the Inclusive Brisbane Board. Besides being well-to-do and the owner of a posh sports car, Macintosh preferred to take his dumps on the street. For this crime, he was charged with public nuisance, fined $378, and forced to leave his job.
6 The Bowel Movement Bandit
LeBron James may be the most famous son of Akron, Ohio, but he has competition in the form of an unidentified serial pooper. Between 2012 and 2015, the Akron resident known as the “Bowel Movement Bandit” left behind his doo-doo on cars and even on children’s toys. Despite capturing the bandit’s face on a time-lapse camera, Akron police are still searching for the man who terrorized their neighborhoods for so long.
The resident who set up the camera that caught the Bowel Movement Bandit in the act told the NBC affiliate WKYC that the pooper had hit his family’s car at least eight times. This caused him to ask his son: “Who do you have mad at you?” Accusations were flung at different neighborhood residents, and the sheer volume of aggressive poop began to tear the small community apart.
In total, Akron investigators believe that the Bowel Movement Bandit has dumped on at least 19 cars in the Kenmore neighborhood. Furthermore, the man tormented residents by pooping in front yards and on children’s toys that had to be thoroughly sanitized the following day.
Despite knowing the Bowel Movement Bandit’s face, the pooper’s identity remains a mystery. The good news? Thanks to media reports about his disgusting crimes, the Bowel Movement Bandit has seemingly gone underground. There have been no new poo reports in Akron since 2015.
5 The Staten Island Serial Pooper
The borough of Staten Island, New York, was once home to the largest man-made structure in the world. That structure just happened to be the Fresh Kills Landfill, otherwise known as a gigantic dump. Millions of jokes have been made about Staten Island being New York’s garbage disposal, but at least one resident took these jokes to heart. As a result, Eltingville, Staten Island, has a serial pooper problem.
It all began when 48-year-old Andrea Rosenblum went public with her nightmarish situation: An unknown man kept pooping right outside her home. Worst of all, the police department has repeatedly told Rosenblum that there’s nothing they can do to stop it.
Angered over the lack of anti-poop deterrence from the authorities, Rosenblum installed a camera outside her home. She caught the pooper red-assed: He was shown to be an average-size man carrying two bags. On two different occasions—July 13, 2019, and July 17, 2019—the man wore the exact same outfit as he dropped his pants and went to work.
He always does his business before fleeing into the night. Rosenblum found that the poopings all occurred after midnight. Rosenblum, who has two children aged 12 and 9, claims that she doesn’t know her pooper-tormentor.
4 The Pool Pooper Of Lincoln, Nebraska
From Michigan to Nebraska, there seems to be something about swimming pools that drives Midwestern serial poopers crazy.
In September 2019, the Facebook page belonging to the Eastridge Pool in Lincoln, Nebraska, posted a security camera video showing an unidentified woman pooping near the pool’s concession stand. The crime occurred in broad daylight.
The security camera footage was a breakthrough because the Eastridge Pool had been having a problem with wayward feces for five years. Since 2013, the unknown local woman had been depositing her digested food near the pool.
Sadly, according to pool manager Ryan Rieker, the security cameras have not scared off the serial pooper. The pool’s best hope is that the media blasts the woman’s image everywhere, thus forcing her to go underground or at least take her pooping indoors.
3 The Mad Pooper
Colorado Springs has seen its fair share of murder and mayhem over the years. As of 2017, it is also the home of the “Mad Pooper.”
As per security camera footage, the Mad Pooper is a slim female jogger. However slight she may be, the Mad Pooper has done outsize damage to the Budde family and their Colorado Springs neighborhood. According to the Budde family, who have been the Mad Pooper’s primary target, the jogger left behind poop on their front yard once a week during a seven-week period in the summer and early fall of 2017.
While the Budde family was able to laugh at the situation, Colorado Springs Police Department Sergeant Johnathan Sharketti admitted, “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing . . . it’s uncharted territory for me.”
Despite the fact that the Mad Pooper made international news for repeatedly defiling the Budde family’s front yard, the Colorado Springs police went without a name or even a viable suspect for days. Charmin, one of the world’s leading producers of toilet paper, even offered a year’s supply of toilet paper to the Mad Pooper as long as she turned herself in.
Then, in late September 2017, a YouTube video surfaced in which a man claiming to represent the family of a local woman named “Shirley” apologized on behalf of the Mad Pooper, aka “Shirley.” The video claimed that the Mad Pooper suffers from a traumatic brain injury that causes her bowels to move uncontrollably.
The video also demanded that all other videos showing the Mad Pooper doing her business be removed from the Internet because Shirley’s actions were protected by the US Constitution. This man’s video has since been removed from YouTube.
That was the last that anyone heard about the Mad Pooper of Colorado Springs.
2 Mr. Poop
Japan is known throughout the world as an orderly society that places an emphasis on manners and cleanliness. Nobody in his right mind would stereotype the Japanese as “dirty.” However, one Tokyo man known only as “Mr. Poop” flies in the face of Japanese customs.
According to police in Tokyo, Mr. Poop has left pieces of himself behind on at least 10 different occasions in the city’s Akihabara district. During one instance in summer 2019, Mr. Poop, who has been described as a man in his thirties, was caught in the act and forced to flee the scene. Watery-eyed eyewitnesses said that Mr. Poop wore black trousers and had a blue backpack.
He seems to prefer defecating in four locations: a gap between one building and a model train store, outside of a restaurant, the entrance to another office building, and the base of a utility pole. The pooping has become such a toxic nuisance that nearby businesses have put up warning signs. Hideo Yamada, a lawyer who sometimes appears on Japanese television, believes that Mr. Poop could be charged with disruption of business.
1 The Super Pooper
In the annals of serial pooping, there is no more infamous miscreant than New Jersey’s “Super Pooper.” When his identity was revealed in mid-2018, he earned a new nickname—the “Pooperintendent.”
On May 1, 2018, 42-year-old Thomas Tramaglini, the superintendent of Kenilworth Public Schools, was arrested for pooping under the bleachers near the football field and track belonging to Holmdel High School. The coaches and staff had been finding feces every day in that area, so they set up video surveillance to catch the culprit. Tramaglini is the one they caught.
At the time, he lived just 4.8 kilometers (3 mi) away from Holmdel High. Reportedly, he pooped near the track and football field during his morning jog. For this, he was charged with public defecation, lewdness, and littering. Tramaglini was also placed on a paid leave of absence from his job.
In his defense, the former superintendent said that he had “experience[d] the immediate and emergent need to defecate” while running. He blamed it on a medical condition, runner’s diarrhea, that affects his colon when he runs. He also denied being a serial pooper.
Tramaglini pleaded guilty to public defecation (one time), for which he paid a $500 fine. All other charges were dropped in a plea agreement.
At Kenilworth, Tramaglini made a yearly income of $147,504. The incident forced him to resign from his position, but he did receive about $100,000 in severance. Previously, he had served as the Chief Academic Officer in Keansburg, New Jersey. He was also a part-time lecturer at Rutgers University.
His story made the international news, and his mug shot got passed around the Internet. In response, the disgraced Tramaglini sued the Holmdel Police Department for releasing his mug shot. “It’s like getting photographed and fingerprinted for a speeding ticket,” said his attorney, Matthew Adams.
The lawsuit, which was ultimately thrown out, sought $1 million in damages. It alleged that Tramaglini had been subjected to “negligent and intentional infliction of emotional distress” and defamation. Tramaglini worries that the news story of his “bathroom emergency” will make him unemployable for the near future. The ridicule has also been hard on his young kids.
About The Author: Benjamin Welton is a freelance writer based in New England.